with junior year already started, i can't help but feel a whirlwind of emotions pick me up and literally fling me through an almost nervous / giddy / excited breakdown. i know what i want to be when i grow up. i really do. the problem is, plans change and people change. i know my dream will be forever this way. it's just the journey to get there that makes me anxious.
this song really does fit in nicely with what i'm feeling. enjoy.
as i sit here in my brand new kitchen, i'm being bombarded with thoughts of my blogging absense. i guess the main reason as to why i didn't upload a single post since may is that i just couldn't find the inspiration. don't get me wrong, i had an amazing summer. i just couldn't come up with a single topic that didn't seem forced. i'm glad to be back now, though!
this summer was full of late night dinner dates, movie outings with my dad, bike rides with my best friends, and beach bumming with my beautiful cousin. it was indeed a summer that i will cherish forever and ever. i spent every day with my mom and that was good enough for me.
due to a family emergency, i was able to move in and all the day right before work week for sorority recruitment started. lets just say i lived in a massive room with a tiny bed and boxes EVERYWHERE. thank god my roommates were here to lend me a towel or toothpaste. once all that was over and done with on sunday, my dad, brother and sister came down to ftw from htx to move in all my furniture and boxes! yes i am still unpacking everything. and with classes and all, i still need to figure out when to squeeze that and sleeping in. i guess my social life will be on hold for the next few day? hope not...
in some other news, classes started yesterday and i couldn't be happier! i live in a house with some of my closest friends about 5 minutes (walking) from campus. so happy to be so close. my professors are all super cool and my classes are small, intimate, and enlightening. woohoo for me.
that pretty much sums up everything i've been hiding the past three months or so. i'll be back before you know it!
I've been laying in bed staring at my ceiling for the past two hours. It's so dark in my room that I literally would fail to find my own ass with my bare hands. I love the darkness. The flash of light before the loud thunder shakes my house to the core. I love the coziness of my bed and the amount of fluff that I'm just now no ringing covering me from head to toe. I love the rain. The pitter-patter on the window has never sounded so sweet in my life. And the best thing is that it's Sunday. I can lay here all day and ponder in my thoughts. I can think about the movie I watched last night, Mad Max. I can think of the Game of Thrones season finally I'm going to watch tonight. I can think about the book I'm reading now, Cheyenne Amber, and all the Wild West and Native American traditions I long to live by. I can think about my new favorite song, We Can't Stop by Miley Cyrus. There's just so much to a good ole rainy day. There's no telling what can come of it. I love the rain and the thunder and the feeling that the only think keeping you safe from a drenching cold is the safety of a window.
so here's the deal. i love my hair because its so thick and shiny and pretty much all around healthy. i've always had so much trouble finding the perfect products for my hair and exactly what styling techniques to stick to. blow outs make my hair frizzy and brittle looking. ramrod straight dos make my hair look like a helmet. i like my hair just natural and wavy and flowy and down. so i'm literally on the prowl for the best products. i've gone through blogs, reviews, and websites and just tested stuff here and there. agh this is so complicated!! but its working. i also want my hair to grow out.... i got the "college cut" (to my collarbone) in october of my freshman year of college. now i can't get it past my boobs. i'm about to be a junior. come on.......... grow grow grow.
i seriously need more hair tips
on a side note, i just got like 36 (no joke) different makeup products today! yay! and i got them for free. yep. free. my mom decided she doesn't look good in certain shades that just so happen to be my perfect color match so i got all this amazing stuff for free. ranging from foundations to lipsticks. i am over the moon delighted. like i want to wear them all.
by the time i was done trying on all the lipsticks, glosses, balms, & pencils, my lips were legit swollen and unnaturally red from all the rubbing. its like making out. minus the hot guy. sigh.
soooo here's the deal. i think i just may have to quit this blog every day in may thang. although i absolutely loved the whole idea and i tried to follow it as consistently as possible, i still got behind a few days. i think i'll just have to blog at my own pace now..........
in other news, this chick -
kimber being weird
got home late last night! yay!!! so glad by bffe (best freckled friend ever) is back!
she's been in florence studying abroad all semester and i literally cannot contain myself. i get to see her in like 2 hours or less!!!!!!!!! eek!!!
17, Friday:A favorite photo of yourself
i love this picture. look at me. i look so young and carefree. i can see it in my eyes. that sassy look and smile basically telling the camera that i don't give a damn about anything. i just look like i know i'm cute and i can do whatever the hell i want with it. my hair flying wild and free shows the lack of inhibitions i had at such a young age. it's such a freeing age if you think about it. your biggest worries were if carol was going to like your new pink ribbons or if bradley was going to give you cooties on the playground on monday .
oh, and i love the beach. so this picture really shows me in my element. just sassy, carefree, way too much carefree-ness actually, and my sweetness. all in my favorite place.
p.s. look at the hot bikini. that heart cut-out is just mega scandalous.
16, Thursday: Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how
you're working to overcome it
so i feel like i've come to that age (20 year old me) where i'm in college and i'm still trying to figure things out. i am actually struggling with a couple of things. not only am i half way through college, but it's like the real world is falling down on me. i need to find a job for the summer. my first job ever. and yes, i am 20 and still never had a real job! like sure, i've babysat before... but i've never ever been in the work force. scary stuff right there, huh. i'm applying for jobs and just trying to do something productive for the summer that will get me out of that "never had a job before" funk. i also feel like i don't know which direction i want to head into in terms of what i want to do when i grow up. it literally can go anywhere. i am majoring in art history, with plans of going to law school. i want to be a lawyer that deals with copy right and all that jazz in the art and fashion law world. but then sometimes i feel like i want to be in law enforcement... like an attorney or work for some agency like the FBI.... and then sometimes i get so mad about certain things in my hometown, tampico, that i want to work in law enforcement in mexico (like their FBI) and set things straight. and then sometimes i want to be a lawyer for the underprivileged. i just get so stressed out because i have no idea what i want to do and nothing is certain. all i know is that i want to go to law school and make some sort of difference that not only benefits someone else, but my own state of mind, too. so all i can do now is literally study my ass off until it can pay off in the future. i'm also struggling with self image issues right now... not that that's the most important thing in life.. but sometimes when it's your health that isn't doing so hot, than its time to step it up and fix it. i gained so much weight in college... not that i've always been skinny... but i literally gained an unhealthy amount of weight these past two years. this summer, i'm eating [really, really] healthy and exercising every day. gotta fit back into my daisy dukes, ya know!! i feel like i've been sorta somewhat bitter and bitchy at home so i have been trying to be nice and not so bitter and bitchy anymore. but i don't know if its worked. mom, has it worked?
so there it is.... the struggles of a 20 year old college girl. the good thing is that i'm still young and i can make all the mistakes i want and learn from all of them.
-i'm so sorry you have to put with me. -i'm sorry you have to live with my constant blabber about super heroes and their powers & origins. -i'm sorry i always state how i would handle a situation ifi were in the FBI. -i'm sorry i text you guys chris hemsworth gifs all. the. time. (especially the one's where he winks). -i'm sorry all i can talk about is something that only boys between the ages of 4 & 12 are interested in. -i'm sorry i rope you guys into action movie midnight premieres or comic book conventions a lot. -i'm sorry i see a hot guy and automatically dismiss him if he doesn't look like thor, the god of thunder. -i'm sorry i call my female friends milady and sometimes even curtsy. -i'm sorry i make innapropriate jokes at innapropriate times. -i'm sorry i listen to one direction way to much in the car.
but i'm notreally sorry at all. because if you didn't like me, all of me, you wouldn't stick around for all of this. and i wouldn't have to apologize at all. i love you guys and you guys love me. sorry for being inconvenient about my tastes, but hey, its me.
12, Sunday: What
do you miss? (a person, a thing, a place, a time of your life...)
i miss my time in mexico. i miss it so much. i lived there for a few years and let me tell you.... it was the best time of my life. don't get me wrong... i miss being in houston, i miss being little and not worrying about major stuff, i miss my grandpa, i miss my late pup, bibi. i miss a ton of stuff. but i really miss tampico. it's where i made the most mistakes in my life. it's where i had my first kiss. it's where i hit puberty hard. its where i would eat mangos and warm tortillas on a daily basis. it's where i could wake up one morning and say, "scew it, lets go to the beach." and actually step onto a sandy shore not 20 minutes later. it's where i missed curfew one too many times. it's where i broke one too many rules. it's where i made some of the best friends i'll ever have. i don't think i'll ever be able to bring any of it back, but its worth a try. i miss my friends and cousins and grandma, and two very special people in my life that played a huge part in raising me - otilio and rosi. i can't wait to go back and feel the humid wind in my hair and sand between my toes.
10, Friday:Most embarrassing moment
i know you're going to think i'm lying but i honestly can't think of one specific embarrassing moment. i feel like i go through at least 834579 embarrassing moments a day. i always do things that are just awkward and not normal for humans on a daily basis. and i don't care. so here are embarrassing things that i do.... not any specific embarrassing moments. and no, i don't regret them at all.
1: whenever i make eye contact with anyone at all i always smile. its a really creepily happy smile too. my friends say its scary and that i have to quit freaking people out. i guess i always feel like everyone needs a smile ever since i was little. i actually do take it to heart when people say those cheesy lines about smiling at someone because you might just make their day / save a life / make a friend. it happens so naturally now that i don't even notice it. why is this embarassing? because i will smile at a really cute guy at the library (unconsciously) and he'll make a face like, "do i know you?" and then i have to make a face back being like "haha no. i just like smiling at strangers." its awkward. but i don't care.
2: here is a specific moment! one time i put gas in my dad's diesel car and the car broke down in the middle of a busy intersection. later that night i went over to my friends house. his older brother had all his friends over and one of them asked me if that was me stranded and what had happened. it was so embarrassing having to tell all of them when they all looked at me expecting an explanation. they probably thought i was actually incapable of telling the difference.
sorry i've been absent the past 3 days! i've been moving out of my old apartment, getting done with my last finals, and coming back home for the summer! it was a lot of work. literally. got no sleep, studying like crazy, packed up the whole apartment and then put it all in a sotrage unit and then drove 4.5 hours home. all in 1.5 days. 1.5 days. 1.5. like yes i obviously skipped blogging. but i'm back! yay!
oh, and thanks mom for literally packing 98% of my stuff. te adoro!
Day 8, Wednesday:A piece of advice you have for others. Anything at all.
right now. this is where you are. you aren't in the past or in the future. you're in the now. that's why i feel like it's so important to live in the present. i feel like this can be taken so many ways.
1: enjoy right this moment. you never know how long you have before you never hit the future. whats in the past is done and gone and there's nothing you can do about it now. live in the moment before you regret it the rest of your life. 2: have anything coming up? any projects, assignments, bills to pay, people to call? this gets me each and every time. not kidding. i have so much trouble with this. i leave everything to the last minute. it's been the reason for almost every mistake i've ever made. that's why when people always ask me about college applications and meeting deadlines or fixing relationship problems or calling your grandpa, i'm always like "OH. MY. GOD. GO DO THAT RIGHT NOW OR ELSE THE GATES OF HELL WILL UPON AND A FIERY DEATH WITH BEFALL YOU." i guess people always think i'm exagerating, but i'm not. (and this goes out to you jorgito..... apply to school like NOW).
so i guess i sort of contradict myself there. but it's quite simple. enjoy the present as much as you possibly can. what's in the past is in the past. don't fret about it. just make it better. and always try to do whatever you can now while you can. don't leave things for later. do them now. that also ties into the future. don't worry about the future, because then you won't be able to enjoy the present. but also try to never let things sit and wait for later. now is the moment to live, work, fix, and grow. now. this is when you should live and do it all. not yesterday or tomorrow. but today.
woah..... this alone is scary. i hate today's challenge. maybe because i hate having to publicly voice the things i'm most afraid of..? i guess i just feel like once you throw those things out for the world to see, you just make it that more easier for someone else to find out how vulnerable you really are and use your fears against you. scary, huh? i also feel like once it's out in the open, its that more real and it hits you like a ton of bricks. you are afraid of these things and they could happen to you. well, this just may be the thing i need. maybe it's a risk i need to take. here goes nothing. things i'm most afraid of:
>> cancer (on myself or anyone else) >> being confronted by someone in public >> being humiliated by someone in public >> flying cockroaches >> being chased by a vicious animal (yes... even rabbits) >> losing a family member to a death of any sort >> losing just about anyone i care about to a death of any sort >> being kidnapped or held at gunpoint >> having car troubles >> THE DARK(huge one right here) >> scary movies >> having an intruder in my home >> never finding love >> public speaking >> letting someone down >> failure, despite trying my hardest >> knowing your dream // goal is out of your reach no matter what >> scuba diving (literally gives me anxiety) >> ....... and every other extreme sport >> snakes, alligators, sharks, HOGS, fish (that are alive) >> & spiders, bugs (the other day i freaked out over a wasp outside of my car) >> not being good enough >> not waking up for an exam >> the real world >> getting my first job >> causing someone pain >> being accused of something i didn't do >> being hated before a person even meets me >> (new) having a fear being used against me >> putting myself out there... so basically, making myself vulnerable
** there are obviously a ton of more things i'm afraid of, but these just might top the list and they're also the first ones that came to mind. everyone has fears. the scary part is acknowledging them. sigh. hope you guys are having an amazing day and i do hope none of you have to face any of your fears today.
sooooooo i just decided to make the biggest mistake of my LIFE. i thought it was an OK idea to take a quick study break and oh.... i don't know... youtube marvel movie scenes? i saw a few funny interviews with the avengers cast and one thing led to another and i ended up watching the opening scene to star trek (2009). i just bawled my eyes out. like you have no idea.
1: chris hemsworth plays (newly appointed) captain george samuel kirk, sr.. he dies after he honorably sacrifices himself to save the fleeing shuttles, one of which is carrying his wife who's in labor. he can't manage to get autopilot to set up when he tries to run to the shuttle to meet up with the wifey and coming babe so he stays. oh the gallant hero. really? come ON...... biggest heartbreak EVER.
2: i have a nice little message for the future husband-
dear future husband:
DON'T YOU EVER TRY PULLING SOME GALLANTLY HEROIC HONORABLE PIECE OF CRAP LIKE THAT ON ME. OKAY? okay. good.
sincerely, you're now emotionally unstable future wife.
and for those of you who have absolutely no idea what i'm talking about.... here's the clip.
p.s. good job on making father and son look eerily similar!
I love you. Not only are you one of my best friends, but you're my (sorority) big sister, AND my blog crush. You witty, funny, and caring. You're also worth my time (I often like to read your blog as a leisurely sport.)
Good luck on finals Meggie and text me tomorrow so we can go on a meal date.... or I'll maybe just see you at the library tonight..... I'll miss you so much this summer, milady! (sniff, sniff)
we all have have comfort zones, right? well sometimes we have to deal with things that just don't fall within that imaginary circle of "comfortableness."
here are a few things that make me cringe -
1. when a crush makes facial expressions that they assume are adorable/attractive, but all you can do is curl up and die in a fetal position
2. the word moist
3. people who get called out for something in public
4. drunk girls who make a fool out of themselves in public
5. when waiters or employees get yelled at in public (sigh.... i witness this way too much)
6. going into a restaurant/store/whatever and now knowing their system and looking like a total uncultured newbie. this. is. my. worst. fear. ugh. i try to look cool and in control.. which is usually a total fail.
Well will you look at that..... its Thursday, or is it Thors-day? this day ties perfectly into my new Blog Every Day in May Challenge: Day 2:Educate us on something you know a lot about or are good at. Perfect. Just perfect. I am going to go ahead and skip all the other super heroes and dedicate this teaching post to my ultimate favorite, Thor, the Norse God.
Thor’s background really varies with each comic book, but I
feel as though everyone needs to learn at least the basics.
Asgard is one of the nine realms of the universe, along with
Midgard (Earth) and Jotunheim (enemy realm of both Asgard and Midgard). Asgard
is about the size of the US and its flat. Although it looks like an asteroid,
it doesn’t move, and it has gravitational forces. Odin rules Asgard. Odin has a
few children from different marriages, but these two sons – Thor and Loki
(adopted) – are the most important. Loki was found as a baby and it is believed
that he is the son of Laufey, the frost giant ruler of Jotunheim. He took him
home, concealing his true identity. Thor is the Norse God of Thunder, Lightning, and
Rain. He's a demi-god, being that his father is Odin and his mother was a Norse woman. He is the first-born, therefore making him the heir to the throne. Thor
has his own weapon, a mighty hammer. Those worthy of its powers can only lift
his mighty hammer, Mjolnir. Now how to Asgardians travel between the realms? Well
they have the Bifrost Bridge (it only transports them between Midgard and
Asgard, but the film portrays the bridge as a means of transportation to all the realms). Heimdall (trusted
warrior) protects the Bifrost Bridge. Thor is in love with Jane Foster, and he
was also part of the Avengers.
This is just a brief lesson on Thor. It is much more
complicated and I tried to only teach you the details that are accurate in the
comics, and that is shown in the movie. There are a TON of differences in the
film and comics, but I don’t want to confuse you. This is all based
upon my knowledge from my comic book adventures; so don’t hesitate to Google
anything if you assume I’m wrong.
Wow… now I think it’s quite sad that a twenty-year-old girl
knows this much about comic books. Sigh.
as i'm laying here in my cozy bed, with the shades drawn and the candle going, i cant help but feel as frustrated as ever. even sipping on my delicious vanilla hazelnut coffee isn't helping to fuel my brain. i've been MIA from my blog because frankly, i just can't seem to write about anything. at least anything important. i want to write more. not only for myself, but also for you guys. therefore, i've decided to start the Blog Every Day in May Challenge. i know, i know... i already missed day #1, but HEY it's alright... i'll double post today. so now i can blog about myself, without judgment, and without the pressure of making my post perfect, unbiased, or politically correct. i don't want to post about my life and hide things that shouldn't be out in the public. some things i have to (enter creepy stalkers, or hiring managers) but i promise to keep my posts as true to myself and as true to you as possible. that's a promise i intend to keep.
so here it goes.....
the story of my life in 250 words or less:
i am a twenty-year-old, sophomore pi beta phi studying at
TCU. i was born in mexico, and lived back and forth between my tropical
homeland and houston, tx. i plan to go to law school right after my undergrad. i have
the most loving, hilarious, and tight-knit family anyone could wish for. i am
obsessed with one direction, Thor, coffee, comic books, romance novels, and super
heroes. even though i want to go to law school, I plan to either use my law degree
to be a) a lawyer for the underprivileged, or b) an FBI agent. before bed, i lie
under the covers and make up stories in my mind (they’re long and detailed
enough to turn into an actual book, sigh). i would give anything to move to a bigger
city and explore more of this world that i have yet to understand.
i yearn to
travel to tropic beaches and cozy mountaintops. i yearn to unravel my life bit
by bit in the form of mistakes, successes, and surprises. i yearn to learn to
live and grow in my skin the hard way, because no story ending started with a
planned outline. i yearn to make more friendships, enemies, and relationships. i
yearn to live to my full potential. i yearn to leave a legacy in this world
that will forever change the people around me, because leaving a legacy is so
much better that living in the shadow of someone else’s.